Are your days too full with endless commitments?
If I could read your mind would I find you feeling worn out, overextended and maybe even a little resentful?
Are you a mom who just cannot say “No”?
There was a time when I said yes to just about every request…
Can you coordinate the class Valentine’s Day party?
Will you chair the Book Fair?
Could you make calls for the Phone-a- thon?
Will you stay late tonight to help with the project?
I was pulled in too many different directions.
I wasn’t able to share my best self with my family, my friends, or my co- workers.
I wasn’t enjoying anything I said yes to.
I was exhausted.
It was time for a reset.
So, I drew a line in the sand and decided to say no. It was really hard.
It’s just so easy to say yes and so hard to say no.
Saying yes makes everyone happy, and saying no makes everyone…well, not so happy.
And I didn’t say no very well.
In my desire to be nice and not hurt anyone’s feelings, I’d leave the door just a tad bit open with my “no’s” which led to…
“Well, if you’re busy on Monday nights, we can move the meetings to another night. You say when!”
“No babysitter is no problem. We have free childcare!”
“That’s okay! You can pay me for the tickets later- it’s no hurry!”
My reset wasn’t going very well. My no’s were more like maybes.
I was feeling even more resentful because “Didn’t I say no?”
Time for me to be a grown-up and learn to say no gracefully and really mean it.
My family deserved better than a tired mom who only made sandwiches or cereal for dinner.
After years of saying yes too often and then years of saying no in the wrong way, I have finally perfected how to say no gracefully (and really mean it).
1- Be your own best friend.
Only you know what is truly most important to you.
Whether it’s nightly quality time with your kids, an hour a day to work on your side hustle or time to devote to your fitness…get clear on what YOU want in your life.
The only way to know what is truly important to you is to take some time to reflect on these three areas of your life: Family, Personal, and Professional/Volunteer. Grab a pen and paper and make a written Priorities List (click here to download a free worksheet to help you with this).
Your written Priorities List is your “go-to” guide to consider before accepting a new project or commitment. Ask yourself, “Will this use of my time help me meet my priorities or distract me from them?”
Your Priorities List will keep you on course. Through the years, your priorities will shift, so revisit your list and edit it as needed.
Today my Priorities List as a wife, mother to older teens, and a business owner is much different than it was years ago as a stay-at-home mom with three toddlers.
2-Be honest, polite, and firm when declining.
“Thank you for inviting me to the banquet. You’re so good to think of me. I can’t take on any new commitments this month.”
Notice, I didn’t say, “I really wish I could,” or “I’m so sorry,” or “It’s not in my budget right now.”
Leave no wiggle room. Keep it short and sweet. And smile while you say no- that’s important. 🙂
3-Have an accountability buddy.
For me, this is my sister- she knows what’s important to me, and she can be an impartial adviser.
Run it by your accountability buddy when you’re torn about taking on a new commitment.
Sometimes we are so close to our own situation we can’t see the forest through the trees.
4-Remind yourself that a “no” now doesn’t have to be a “no” forever.
Just because you can’t take on a new project or role now doesn’t mean you’re closing that door forever.
We can do it all, moms, but not all simultaneously!
I believe moms are hard-wired to be helpful. Being generous with your time is a wonderful thing. But remember, time is a limited commodity.
When you decide to spend your time in one area, you deduct it from another. Choose wisely!
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